saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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