How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
