all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
