I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
