this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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