So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
