"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
