ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
