im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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