6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
