Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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