Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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