I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
