Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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