Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
