Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
