so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
