so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
