i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is the high leading the old right now
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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