His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
