I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
