I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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