Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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