happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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