Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
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That's how twitter works, right?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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