My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
