sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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