I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
