If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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