and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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