Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
