i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
