'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
