**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
