I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The adults are the big ones right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
