??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
