he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just high enough for therapy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
