We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
