FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
