I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
