I am spending my child support on dildos
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
two words...techno handjob
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
