Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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