Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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