somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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