We're facebook friends in real life
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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