i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
