Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Couch. On fire.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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