When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm at about main and main street
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
