Betty ford says i'm here all night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
