Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You're so nebulous sometimes
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
